1. Never walk without a document in your hands
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees
heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands
look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper
in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all,
make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus
generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you
do.
2. Use computers to look busy
Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to
work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents
of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not
bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get
caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to
use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
3. Messy desk
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us,
it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of
documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work
looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them
high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury
the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and
rummage for it when he/she arrives.
4. Voice Mail
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call
you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they
call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to
live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a
voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work,
respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there - it looks
like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a
devious weasel.
5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed
According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look
impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you
are always busy.
6. Leave the office late
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always
wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure
you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails
at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public
holidays.
7. Creative Sighing for Effect
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression
that you are under extreme pressure.
8. Stacking Strategy
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of
books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
9. Build Vocabulary
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and
new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with
bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but
you sure sound impressive.
10. MOST IMPORTANT (HOT!!):
DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!
Fun2shh