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1. Never walk without a document in your hands

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees

heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands

look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper

in their hand look like they’re heading for the toilet. Above all,

make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus

generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you

do.

2. Use computers to look busy

Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual

observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and

generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to

work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents

of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they’re not

bad either. When you get caught by your boss - and you *will* get

caught — your best defense is to claim you’re teaching yourself to

use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3. Messy desk

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us,

it looks like we’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of

documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work

looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them

high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury

the document you’ll need halfway down in an existing stack and

rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4. Voice Mail

Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call

you just because they want to give you something for nothing - they

call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to

live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a

voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work,

respond during lunch hour when you know they’re not there - it looks

like you’re hardworking and conscientious even though you’re being a

devious weasel.

5. Looking Impatient and Annoyed

According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look

impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you

are always busy.

6. Leave the office late

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still

around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always

wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure

you walk past the boss’ room on your way out. Send important emails

at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public

holidays.

7. Creative Sighing for Effect

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression

that you are under extreme pressure.

8. Stacking Strategy

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of

books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9. Build Vocabulary

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and

new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with

bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but

you sure sound impressive.

10. MOST IMPORTANT (HOT!!):

DON’T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!